sev's kinky book reviews

Forgive me for starting at the end, but: One of the last chapters in this book begins with, "Many women discover that they can deeply enjoy dominating their partners -- if they're introduced to sexual domination in an understanding, appreciative, and non-pushy way." If you're a submissive man looking to see if your honey has a dominant side or a woman who wants to begin to learn how to dominate her partner, this book may be the way you're looking for.

The book is subtitled "A Workbook for Nervous Beginners", and it's not kidding. There's a distinct lack of scene-specific vocabulary and the very first recommended books in the appendix are all other beginner's books. It very honestly calls itself "kindergarten". The overall tone is reassuring, plainly that of an experienced player navigating a half excited, half terrified newcomer through her very first opportunity at realizing her dominant fantasies. This is a familiar scenario, but The Sexually Dominant Woman handles it with exceptional dexterity.

One interesting organizational choice I note is that the sections on negotiation are divided between the safety chapter and the notes-for-submissives chapter, and those chapters are not first -- in fact, they're both in the latter half of the book. The book is a more interesting read that way; it goes straight from reassurance to in-scene specifics. Putting potential stroke material so near the beginning probably makes the journey more satisfying for the impatient and provides a stronger hook for the nervous -- which increases the likelihood that the reader will read the whole thing. That's also promoted by the bite-sized chapters.

The Sexually Dominant Woman is more focused on dominance and submission than the average beginner's book. It's as much about what goes on in the mind as in the body.

It's also unabashedly heterosexual, even more so than most -- this book has an extremely well-defined target audience. The tight focus leaves room for some valuable advice inappropriate to more general texts. It covers some fetishes that are particularly common in submissive men (feminization, for example). There's an amusing little "respect the penis!" caution for women who might not understand how much more vulnerable men's sexual organs are (and, more importantly, feel). Similarly, a chapter targeted towards the submissive male half of the couple talks without a hint of condescension about the socialization and cultural pressure to be nice that women generally receive. That doesn't necessarily mean it's not useful for dominant men or people who are playing with submissive females. It just means that a reader who doesn't fit the profile will need to be careful to read with the right set of filters and may wonder how much of the information is actually applicable to his or her situation. If someone outside the specific target audience for The Sexually Dominant Woman is up for a slightly more challenging work, The Loving Dominant is probably a better choice.

The author divides subject matter into three categories: playing with helplessness (bondage), roles (make-believe & symbolism), and sensation. This division does an end run around the concept of masochism: understanding the masochistic urge seems to be irrelevant to helping the reader find her inner sadist, if that's what her submissive responds to. Seems like a reasonable choice given the limits of the small chapters & easily-approachable concepts. This is the only beginner's book I've seen that treats actual masochism as an advanced topic. There is, therefore, no potentially-confusing distraction from the fascinating bulleted list of body parts and how to hurt them (really hurt them, if that's warranted!). Upping the pain quotient is presented as need for "strong enough sensation". This is where the "nervous beginners" part of the title is really obvious & Lady Green's deft hand is most apparent to the seasoned reader (but probably invisible to the newbie).

The book includes a nice step-by-step sample session -- usable for a first-timer who's drawing a blank. This may be obvious stuff to an experienced player, but it really does take some practice to get a feel for pacing. So for someone with little experience, this is more valuable than it sounds! And the play-by-play, even with its cheesy checkbox presentation, got this experienced player breathing a little harder. Somehow, the "cuddle afterward" step is missing, even though that was covered explicitly in the "Winding Down" chapter just a handful of chapters back. This is the only questionable choice in an otherwise lovingly detailed script.

Some other observations:

• Cute illustrations with mostly-useful captions. But, do we really need a label on the drawing of "rope"?
• Includes some basic equipment introduction, including vanilla sources for materials (for example: broomstick + eyebolts = instant spreader bar)
• There's a good bit of attention given to aftercare and the dangers of top drop (though not named as such in either case).
• The target audience explicitly does *not* exclude older players -- there's not significant material, but at least age-related issues merit a mention here and there.
• The "Tips on Partner-Finding" chapter seems to have more tips for submissives than dominants. Combined with the tight focus on dominant woman/submissive man, this is as close as the book gets to suggesting that dominant women tend to be in high demand.
• Lady Green doesn't shy away from discussion of anal penetration (and, wisely, avoids any suggestion that anybody should try that as painplay).