sev's Labels and Sexuality

Bisexuality: when gender is a different kind of factor

Feminism: the empowerment of women is good for everyone

Fetish: reclaiming sensuality

Kink: what it is that some of us do

Polyamory: multiple responsible committed loves

Queer: more than just politics

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How to pick up a bisexual

This is how I pick up a bisexual:

Our eyes meet. I smile. Perhaps I note something about zir appearance, nice boots, pretty smile, silky hair. I tell zir. We speak, sometimes only for moments, and our knees touch or our hands meet or our noses bump as we both reach for something at the same time. I might say, "I'd love to kiss you right now." Or I look up, lips parted, and wait to be kissed. Or zie looks up, lips parted, and waits to be kissed. Maybe it goes further. Maybe we just exchange phone numbers or email addresses. Maybe zie's wired and reads my web page and the next day writes me to tell me zie wants to get to know me better. Maybe one of us takes the other home, we have hot sex, and talk all night, getting to know each other's minds the way we just got to know each other's bodies.

(it's kind of like how to pick up anybody else.)

Sometimes I wonder how the hell heterosexuals who don't drink meet each other. In a het bar, I am often made to feel very uncomfortable because I don't drink. I've never been made to feel that way in a dyke bar. Sometimes, in a het bar, I'm so debilitated by the smoke -- despite the fact that I smoke myself -- that I don't feel at all sexy. I've found queer bars that are accessible to people who don't drink or don't smoke and still maintain the ambiance I feel necessary to pick up someone I find attractive; I've found far fewer het bars with the same characteristics. The political nature of sexual minorities these days means I can find prospective MOTSS partners at marches, conferences, protests, meetings, whatever. I go intending to show support; I end up coming home with far more than political buttons.

If it weren't for all the societal pressures we get to reproduce, I'd wonder how the species manages to get propagated at all.

Still, because of those societal pressures, I feel sympathetic to bisexuals who are tempted to take the path of least resistance and stick with MOTOS relationships. I'm not happy about it, but I can see the temptation. The only thing I can do is to try and keep my list of queer resources current, and point people that way when I encounter them.