sev on bi-visibility, politics, union, and coalition

Bi-visibility, politics, union, and coalition

Okay, I've lumped together a lot of issues in this section which are particularly hot in my neck of the bi "community" (there's another hot issue right there -- spending lots of time on the global internet adds to the ways in which we can delineate a community) and, from what I've seen, in the queer community in general. I don't claim to have any answers; just some questions and my thoughts on them.

More visible queers of any orientation or gender make the world a safer space for all of us.
Where is the line between the personal and the political? Why have different spaces for different groups of people? When is it okay to have women-only space, separatist-only space, pervert-only space, bi-only space? (Has anybody really tried to make bi-only space? Have they succeeded?) Why do I feel like I should be as visible as possible? Sometimes, some people don't want me around because I love women or because I love men. Is this discrimination, or the creation of safe space?

For anybody who asks these questions, I'd recommend The Second Coming, edited by Pat Califia and Robin Sweeney -- particularly the essays by Carol Queen and Lamar Van Dyke. For me, the book is just the right mix of thought-provoking essays, poetry, hot fiction, and sexy photographs.

Is there any point in bi's getting involved in coalition-building with queers of other flavors? Politically, I feel that there is a better chance of getting what "we" want if "we" stick together. While every minority group, be it sexual or otherwise, has its own set of issues, those of us who are members of the collective group of sexual minorities have a lot to gain by banding together to fight homophobia and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. I'm not expecting anybody to help me fight battles that don't affect them (although I'm delighted if you do!) but I do feel that the group of people I consider the "queer community" do have a lot of strength to put towards getting the mainstream world to accept our choices. More visible queers of any orientation or gender make the world a safer space for all of us. That said, I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to be willing to march in a political rally together and still not want those same people at their safe, non-political gatherings.

I hear someone screaming, after that last paragraph. "Wait a minute, what about the discrimination that the bi community experiences at the hands of gays and lesbians?"
Stop generalizing about people based on the gender(s) of their lovers, and maybe they'll stop generalizing about you based on yours.
If you're one of the people who posts about this on soc.bi every three months (it happens like clockwork; I'm beginning to think it's the same person over and over again) then my only answer for you is: stop complaining and start setting a better example. Ferchrissake, can't we see what we're doing? Maybe it'll be more clear if I use a different quotation, one that's a little more extreme. It's not just soc.bi -- I can count at least three places on the net alone, just off the top of my head, where I've seen somebody ask, "Why do gays/lesbians hate bisexuals?" Don't try to tell me that that's different than asking what to do about the discrimination that bi's apparently get from the queer community. It's just one step further down that road that starts with somebody drawing a line between "us" and "them" when it's inappropriate.

I'll repeat myself, because I think this is important. Stop your complaining and start setting a better example. This works on all kinds of people of all sexual orientations, and is something I think we need to do in addition to the political movements we've already started. It's time to get some of our efforts at unity into our personal lives. Stop generalizing about people based on the gender(s) of their lovers, and maybe they'll stop generalizing about you based on yours. Stop feeling like you have to be invited to every single event, and maybe people will feel more comfortable inviting you to some of them. It's okay to create "safe space." If somebody won't let you into their safe space, create your own. It's okay to not want to have sex with somebody or have coffee with somebody -- but tell them the truth about why, and don't blame it on their gender or their orientation.

Author Armistead Maupin said, to Sydney, Australia's Capital Q:

I think there's far too much community-think still in gay politics. People who haven't the courage to fight the heterosexual majority bicker amongst themselves and point the finger at each other. It's tiresome and counter-productive. We want the message to reach the world at large, because we want to stop _dealing_ with the issue of sexuality.

I think he's got a point. Small communities can be a nice social space, but they suck in politics.

I'm not interested in having you at my party if all you do is whine about how mean one particular subgroup of humanity is -- does that mean that I'm discriminating?

Other resources at other sites:

Bisexuality And How To Use It: Toward a Coalitional Identity Politics, Bad Subjects

sev's Labels and Sexuality

Bi-visibility, politics, union, and coalition