writing in the rain

Index

What's in a name? Tue Jan 4, 2005

The vocabulary that our culture gives us is not even-handed. We can propogate that, or fight it -- there is no middle ground.

That's not funny! Sat Sep 25, 2004

Ruminations on parody

Mixed Monogamous-Polyamarous Relationships Fri Feb 20, 2004

I was recently asked what resources exist for monogamous people who've found themselves in a relationship with a polyamarous person.

Well-Meaning Members of the Dominant Culture Mon Jul 21, 2003

This essay is dedicated to those well-meaning straight white men who are trying hard to be part of the solution.

Well-Meaning Men and Feminism Sun Jan 26, 2003

Are you a well-meaning man? How do you communicate that?

"Equal" vs. "Same" Fri May 17, 2002

Sexism is only furthered by giving women what men need.

The Vicious Circle of Oppression Fri Apr 19, 2002

Modern oppression churns the same simple, vicious circle, no matter who the oppressed group is.

Equal Pay for Equal Work Tue Apr 16, 2002

Why is this a hard concept for people? And wherever do people get the idea that wishful thinking will get us there?

Wage Gap Sun Apr 14, 2002

Why do women still have to work over fifteen months to earn what men do in twelve?

Power, Privilege, and Self-Organizing Social Structures Sat Nov 25, 2001

I appear to have accidentally found myself writing about the power games that occur as an emergent behavior of a self-organizing dominant culture. This is still really a theory-in-progress; I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with it.

What underlies coming-out etiquette Sun Nov 18, 2001

An examination of the various factors that go into deciding how to come out to whom, and how to react when someone does.

Gender-exclusive space, part II Mon Mar 12, 2001

Sexism, more so than most of the other -isms that get my hackles up, tends to be very subtle.

Not a Weblog Mon Jan 22, 2001

Where were all these weblogs when I was actually looking for some interesting web-based serial to read?

Relationship Pitfalls Mon Jan 15, 2001

A mailing list I'm on recently had someone ask the question, "Have you found polyamory more or less difficult than monogamy? What pitfalls have you encountered?"

People Filters Wed Nov 15, 2000

There are way too many people in this world, and I don't have time to make friends with all of them. How do I go about narrowing down that pool?

Defining Primary Tue April 4, 2000

The kind of polyamory I practice is often called "primary/secondary" poly. I find that people have a lot of misconceptions about what that means -- even beyond the ones people have about poly in general -- so I've put together a description of how I do primary/secondary polyamory.

Expanding Poly Relationships Mon November 25, 1999

Beginning new relationships when already involved in one can be confusing.

Makeup Mon May 3, 1999

Why I wear it; why I don't

Not Nice Fri April 23, 1999

Why I'm not nice

Bisexual Identities, Lesbian Identities Wed March 17, 1999

There is no central board making declarations about what 'bi' is (thankfully). However, people can and do question other people's choices of labels.

Gender-exclusive Space Mon December 7, 1998

It's been my experience that many kinds of activism require a multi-headed approach, since different people respond to different things. Gender politics is no exception.

The unfortunate Americanization of the 'net Tue November 10, 1998

The ugly American is back -- and we're wired

Yeats, Byzantium, poetry, and me Wed September 23, 1998

Perhaps I shouldn't try to write when my brain is addled with poetry.

Gaydar Thu August 13, 1998

Gaydar isn't 100% effective; it's more of a method of aggregating small cues. Understanding how it works can also help understand how to look "more queer" without the use of political t-shirts.

Who Gets to Make the Definitions? Tue July 21, 1998

Identity definitions are fluid. Deal with it. It's important to do two things -- provide a definition for your own space, and not try to enforce your definition on the rest of us.

Alternatives to Banishing Labels Mon July 6, 1998

Labels: We don't have to disavow them -- we can reclaim them

Statistics and Anecdotes Thu June 25, 1998

I am wary of both statistics and personal anecdotes. I don't feel like I can rely on either one or the other -- but both, together, can sometimes really make me sit up and listen.

OS Fetish Mon June 22, 1998

I have an OS fetish. I want to play with as many different computer operating systems as I can.

Gender Awareness Sat June 20, 1998

What's it like to be a gender-indifferent bisexual? Sometimes I think I know. Sometimes I don't.

When is Humor Appropriate? Thu June 18, 1998

Sometimes the way someone deals with their pain can seem disrespectful to others who are dealing differently with a similar anguish.

Class and Pervy Events Sun June 14, 1998

Questions of fairness aside, I would find a party that only had guests who were capable of paying an expensive entrance fee to be very...boring.

Butch/Femme and Top/Bottom Wed June 10, 1998

Simple gestures with all sorts of underlying meanings

Random Tue June 9, 1998

B5, luck, sex, finances, work

Suffer the Children Mon May 11, 1998

What we as a society, and as individuals, are doing to our children makes me burn.

Why Label? Thu May 7, 1998

Of course a label can't cover *all* of me. Why do people hate labels because they don't do something they're not designed to do?

Genital Attraction Fri May 1, 1998

Bisupremecists suck.

Affirmative Action Monday, Apr 27, 1998

A short note of support on a very volatile topic

IMHO Thu Apr 23, 1998

Actually, not everything I post is just my opinion.

Don't Hit Send! Mon Apr 20, 1998

Netiquette and the art of thinking before you open your mouth

Eating Disorders Mon Apr 13, 1998

Seven million American women and one million men suffer from anorexia or bulimia

Musings on Bisexuality, Polyamory, Jealousy, Activism Sun Apr 12, 1998

Some of my more volatile opinions

Poly and Swinging Fri Apr 3, 1998

They're not two completely different categories.

Safer, Saner, Consensual? Wed Mar 18, 1998

What's in a slogan? Is the "Safe, Sane Consensual" motto actually a bit unsafe itself?

Sporadic Memories of an Unobservant Childhood Tue Mar 17, 1998

It seems I remember so little. Maybe it's just that the things that were important to me then -- the things that stuck in my memory -- aren't very important to me anymore. Or something.

Coming out to Parents Sat Mar 14, 1998

Many queers worry about how to come out to parents. It may be one of the scariest coming-out experiences there is.

This Belly, These Hips, These Breasts of Mine Fri Mar 13, 1998

Bodies on my mind

Childhood Without Question Mon Mar 9, 1998

Growing up has found me asking different questions, with no more answers than I had when I was five.

Staying Indoors Sat Mar 7, 1998

It was a beautiful day. Why in heck did I spend it all inside?

In the Beginning... Fri Mar 6, 1998

Why am I baring my soul on the web? (what, you think I should bare my tits instead?)