sev's Labels and Sexuality
These labels have lots of different connotations for different people --
that's why I answer to so many of them. I use labels not to restrict
myself, but to give people some frame of reference in which we can begin
to interact. Later comes a fine-tuning process in which assumptions are
reexamined, and hopefully, I will be able to better communicate exactly
how I fit into the spectrum of people who fit my description.
Why labels and sexuality? Certainly, my sexuality isn't the only part of
me that gets labelled -- either by myself or by the outside world. I can
label myself geek, daughter, sister,
friend, or poet, and all those labels need further
explanation, too.
But most of those nonsexual labels (tho I have to
admit I've met those who were geek-sexual) don't raise the same kind of
emotional response in people as do the sexuality-related labels to which I
answer -- like
queer,
bisexual,
polyamorous,
fetishist
and pervert do.
Maybe it's my culture's close-mouthedness about
sex and
bodies in general. It's that same
reticence that makes it so hard to get people to listen when you talk
about safe sex.
Maybe it's because the general public hasn't
put as much thought into sexual labels as other ones,
so we're just going through a consensus-building time.
There's certainly a similar confusion about the definitions
of "hacker" and "cracker" now that the mainstream is
becoming more interested in computers.
If
someone wants to start a dialogue with me, I am free to
further define what I mean by these terms. If someone isn't interested in
talking with me about sexuality, it's more difficult for me to care that these
labels are not a complete picture of who I am -- better that people be
aware that people like me exist than for them to be under the mistaken
impression that these kinds of labels only apply to "those kinds of people."
Labels, for at least some of us who embrace them, aren't supposed to be all-encompassing, strictly defining, or perfectly describing. They're just labels, not definitions -- like an opaque jar labeled "coffee," which doesn't say if it's beans or grounds or already-brewed or coffee-flavoured candy, if it's dark, light, weak, strong, flavoured, sugared, fresh, or stale. It just says coffee, and if you want more details, you need to shake it, or open it, or taste it, or find the person who applied the label and ask them what they meant.
However, it is also important to me that I be visible as a
non-mainstream citizen; I want people to remember that people like me exist. For this, I find
simple, one-word labels to be useful.
And, hopefully, some of these people who encounter a
label they don't understand will stick around, ask questions, and get to know me.
Last revised: 2001 November 1
