07/17/00 -- T minus Six days and Counting

Ground control to Fallen Angel

So... I woke up just before my alarm went off.  I should've gone back to sleep as long as I could because I was feeling sick -- it's the sort of sick I feel like I've been fighting off since Tuesday of week four.  It's stress-sick.  The kind of stress-sick that I can generally alleviate if I relax for twenty minutes.

Well, I got up.  So I spent part of the morning just feeling miserable and a little nauseous.  Thankfully, I was feeling better than some of my classmates.  No, really, I liked the story, now don't mind me while I go throw up.  I wasn't that bad.

Critiques.  They happened.  I'm still collecting t-shirt money.  Woo.  Almost done with that.  And I think they're going to call Mary when they're done so I don't even have to worry about paying for the rest of it or picking them up.

The cafeteria was crazy at lunch today.  I have no idea what was happening, but it was packed.  I wound up having pizza.  Then, back to critique.  And after that, Greg talked a little bit more about revision and what it boils down to is that revision, like writing, tends to be a different sort of process for every writer and it is like finding the right way into the story to tell it properly.

Afterwards, I dropped stuff up in my room and Jennifer and I drove over to the Honda dealership (to make sure it was still there -- it was).  I made an appointment for my 22,500 mile service since my car is getting toward 22,000 miles on it and I have to drive home this coming weekend.  Thursday at 3pm I take it in.

Back on campus, I was going to go over to Van Hoosen and sit in the AC over there to write and read and critique.  I wound up sitting out at one of the tables instead.  I read; I started to critique; I got sunburned.  Maureen invited me in for leftover jambalaya for dinner.  So she and Mark and Greg and I talked and had leftovers.  Fun! :)

While folks had their one-on-one sessions over in Greg's apartment, I wound up sitting in Maureen's apartment and working on "Sisters and Sirens".  2000 words while I was in Maureen's apartment.  And the rest when I got back to my room.

Jennifer, Maureen, Greg and I talked about stuff.  Sheesh, my brain is a sieve.  I can't remember what was discussed anymore.  I just know I laughed and it was insightful and interesting.

Before Jennifer and I went back up to Owen, I noticed a raccoon running off with something from Greg's garbage.  Now Jennifer has seen a raccoon.  She doesn't have to throw McDonald's Happy Meals out in the woods to lure them in.

Though "Sisters and Sirens" is mostly finished at this moment (midnight), I don't think I'm going to try and turn it in tomorrow morning.  I want to get an opinion from someone else first, see if I'm holding anything back.  I cried while I thought about it.  I cried while I wrote the end.  It's very emotional for me, but lord knows I could've left out all of the pieces that make it emotional for anyone else.

I'm afraid of this story.  Really afraid of it.  I'm afraid of what I put in it and I'm afraid of what I might've left out.  I'm afraid it sucks.  And I'm also afraid it might be almost good enough to publish.  Who knows.  Maybe my sense of judgment just sucks rocks and it'll be worthless and I won't have to worry about what happens if/when it gets published.

And on a different subject of fear...

I'm afraid of the memories I'm going to lose.  There is so much that's happened that isn't on these pages.  There's so much I want to keep, to hold close to me, to hide in a pocket and pull out when I'm feeling sad, or feeling happy, so I can feel those moments again.  But I'm afraid I'm losing them.

There are times I can't remember what I did on a specific day let alone the little details that made that day particularly special for me.  There are times that I know I felt something so very intensely, but I can't remember what it was, or why, or who was there when it happened.  When I laughed until I hurt, or almost cried.

There is so much I want to hold onto.

So much that's slipping through my fingers.

 

Okay, so other folks are talking about their productivity here.  I decided I may as well, too. This list (and my productivity) is subject to change without notice. :)
Title	Word Count	Finished	Critiqued?
"Where the Blood Roses Grow" Week one, first story.  Wahoo.  And I was worried that something wouldn't come.	5000	6/13	6/15
"Uprooting the Tree" Will probably change the title at some point.	3400	6/16	6/19
"Mockingbird Girl" I think I'm happiest with this story, so far.	2800	6/19	6/26
"Poor as Paupers, Rich as Royalty" My challenge story from Sean's week.  I hated writing it.  It gave me a toothache.	2000	6/22
That fucking first person narrative (not yet complete) - May never be completed.  Don't I feel like an idiot...	(400)
"Switched to Overload"  (That other fucking first person narrative) Actually, I like this one better than the one above it ...  Even if it did wind up being two first person narratives in one story.  o.O	4900	6/27	7/3
"Sweeter Than Honey, Stronger Than Wine"  (My Tananrive Due challenge story.  Write a story in the style of an author whose work you admire.  Aieee!  It was sort of supposed to be in the style of Tanith Lee.  I'm not sure I hit that.  But it's definitely got a Christina Rossetti influence.)	9200	7/2	7/10
"Hypothetical Beaches" I really hope it turns out to be not quite as stupid as I feel like it is.  Finished it just before Maureen and Greg's 24-hour moratorium on writing.  (In case you're wondering, it started from a free-write.)	2800	7/10	7/13
"From Time to Time" (unfinished) Fucked if I know what this is going to turn into if it will turn into anything over the next couple of days.  It's twisted.  Or at least a little gross.	(837)
"Sisters and Sirens" (unfinished) With luck, I'll finish this one.  It's first person.  Ugh.  You'd think I'd've learned after "Switched to Overload".  Feh.	(3522)