05/19/00 -- Ridiculous Ramblings

I should probably shut up now.

I said I was going to be better about journaling this month.. but here it is, more than halfway through and I'm only hitting my fourth entry.  How I ever plan to make an entry a day at Clarion, I'm not sure.   Between writing and critiquing and working out and goofing off, I'm really not sure.

Oh, and have I mentioned... 22 days until Clarion starts.   20 until I drive off toward Iowa to grab another Clarionette.  21 days until she and I drive the rest of the way to MSU.  I think I should find a map or something.  Oh, and probably directions to the college.

20 days.  Oy, and I've got a lot to do in 20 days.   I've got a website to update (the ce2k pages), conbook layout for Anthrocon to finish, a website to help redesign for work.  I've got to try and get through two more instructor books before I leave, too.

Oh, and I've got to pack.  Can't forget that.  )Which means I've got to go up into the garage and find my water guns.  Maybe I should make a list.)  Knowing me, I'll be up until ungodly hours on the 8th of June packing crap up and shoving it into my car so I can take off from the house at 6am Friday morning and head for Des Moines.

My coworkers have threatened me with a brass-band for a send off.   Thankfully, I live far enough away that I'm not certain any of them would get up early enough to drive an hour for said send-off.  Aynjel knocks on wood.

I'm going to have to be on the lookout for my muse, too.  I need to find her and drag her with me.

Yep, I'm still in a weird sort of writing slump.  I guess a 12,000 word story since the beginning of the year isn't anything to sneeze at.  But that's almost everything I've produced.

I'm starting to worry that getting into Clarion was a fluke.   That there'll be someone there when I arrive giving me a look.  The kind of look that says, "We felt sorry for you.  You're probably better off leaving your stuff in your car and turning around right now before you're completely and totally destroyed.  If you decide to stay, we can't be held responsible for what happens to you."

Me, lacking self-confidence?  What makes you ask?

It's strange, given that Boo's mom said that I have an unconscious air of self-confidence that can be frustrating to people.  Not something I'd ever thought about me having.

I'm just really good at faking security in situations where I feel the most insecure. :P  Except maybe at conventions.

I'm still kicking myself for not going to WHC.  I was going to go.  I really was.  I should've registered back in December.

Oh, well.  It's done.  It's over.  I didn't go.

I should get over it.

And shut up, already.